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The other part comes from being in chronic pain. It’s hard to be in a civil much less happy mood when you constantly hurt. It wears on you. Then there’s the anxiety that comes from the fallout of the illness. I.E. paying bills with little money. Trying to maintain relationships. Worries about the future and if you have one.Every now and then though, things ease up a bit. You don’t hurt so much. You’re mind is a little clearer and you find a smile on your face. That’s me at the moment. My head hurts and I had to leave work early because I went totally mute. But I’m not shaking and I don’t need my cane and my wife’s not crying or yelling at me. I feel relatively happy. I had a nap and a bowl of chili with some shredded cheese in it.Last night I was a little down and feeling envious which is an emotion I try to avoid like the plague. It’s almost as poisonous as bitterness which will kill your soul. I was envious because there’s all these people who can make choices and I can’t. Oh, I. “I made it shortly after I married my husband and set it into barrels in 1884.” She sighed heavily as she remembered Benjamin’s insistence that nobody cared if her bourbon had been aged. “That’s the last of it.”He handed the flask back to her and slapped his thighs with both hands. “That tears it, I’m afraid.”He jumped to his feet and rummaged in his saddlebag as she stared at him in surprise. “You don’t have to worry,” she called. “I’ll be out of your hair before dawn.” When he didn’t answer, she stood and gathered her things together, realizing he must be one of those abstinence people. She could sleep closer to the stream, or even leave right now if he demanded it.But why had he drunk from the flask if he was a prohibitionist? He turned to her, his arm hidden behind his back. His long strides covered the distance between them in only a few steps and she backed away, suddenly afraid of the dark expression on his face.She turned to run, and screamed when he caught her, terrified that.
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